Meatloaf sings, “TWO out of three ain’t bad,” but a mere 1 out of 3 is absolutely terrible!
A glossy flyer arrived through my door this week, from a major High Street name in collaboration with a well-known designer. It says (and I paraphrase):
The top 3 things every woman should have in her wardrobe for the Spring season:
- A statement necklace to update last year’s knitwear
- A slim cropped trouser with flat sandals, painted toenails or high-heeled strappy shoes
- A plain or printed dress to wear plain at the office or add jewellery and high heels for evening
I groan audibly whenever I read such nonsense yet grudgingly have to agree with the general (there’s that hideous word again) consensus that these people are only attempting to offer generalised advice.
I absolutely won’t apologise for this but my standards are a lot higher than generalised advice so the question I continue to ask about stuff like this from people who should truly be able to do a lot better is, “Why bother?”
My concern is that some lady desperate for advice on how to update her wardrobe will read this stuff, believe it, copy it and look a right mess as a result.
- What exactly is a ’statement’ necklace? And what does ’statement’ mean to different personality types? Dramatics and Creatives will wear ’statement’ pieces to empty the bins whereas a Natural isn’t going to wear a ’statement’ anything…
- A cropped trouser? That finishes where exactly? I searched for a definition and found this for the current season - ‘a trouser that stops halfway between the knee and the ankle’. Blood and sand! Drawing a line right across a plump calf muscle is hardly going to make anyone look attractive. And what if you’ve got sparrow legs…?
- The dress that can be accessorised for socialising after work? This is the only one out of the three really worth talking about to a ‘general’ audience but what about those who wouldn’t give up their trousers for all the tea in China?
The whole thing smacks of generalised, average, mediocre advice which, in my book, without adding in each individual person’s body shape and personality just translates into nothing more than misinformation.
These are absolutely NOT the top 3 things that EVERY woman should have in her wardrobe for the Spring season.
Because we’re not all the same. We’re different, individual and utterly unique and don’t you forget it!
Can I please encourage you to search out some outstanding, useful, informative, well-thought-through personalised advice about you and nobody else but you from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about?
After all this gloom and despondency, I need to redress the balance with a huge plate of chips doused in salt and vinegar, accompanied by a large gin and tonic!
Comments from image professionals around the world
"Well, I laughed my socks off today. Well done you. I love your attitude." Louise Morley, Newquay, UK
"I think image consultants (or the thinking ones anyway) do a collective groaning and rolling of the eyes when we come across rubbish like this.
"Re the ’statement’ necklace, some of them should say, "I am a fashion victim"! But most of them are simply saying, "I paid a lot of money for this thing so you’d better notice it!" Kind regards, Jeanette David, Australia
"I enjoyed your blog this week - it makes me laugh when I read generalised info - I got a similarly inane e-mail from (a large department store) this morning!" Sara, Reading, UK
Based in Ormskirk, Lancashire, Manda makes and hires the most gorgeous hats and fascinators and will help you choose the right colours and style too. 
To calculate your metric (European) hat size a measurement of the head circumference should be taken in centimetres. This is best achieved by passing a cloth tape measure around the head. Alternatively a piece of string may be used and measured against a ruler or tape measure. It is important that this measurement is taken where a hat would normally rest.
As always, I bought my absolutely fabulous shoes and handbag from Margaret at Wye Accessories at Bakewell. You really must pay this shop a visit if you’re in the area; and, while you’re treating yourself, why not stop off to sample a real Bakewell pudding with a pot of tea?
And what about these gorgeous ivory wear-with-anythng wedges and these pretty pink sculpted courts (my wardrobe looks like a Peter Kaiser shop now).
